Uncaffinated Freak of Nature

[le_bebna_kamni]

This morning's quirky dialog is brought to you care of Spotlight® Whole Bean Coffee -- tastes so great, you'd almost think it was excreted from an Asian Palm Civet.

[The curtain opens with Matt Arnold bending over his espresso machine]

Matt: Would *you* like some coffee?

Me: No, I think it's too early in the morning for coffee.

Matt: ...wait, what??

[Stunned silence as an almost horrified look passes across Matt's face]

Me: You do know that caffeine sometimes puts me to sleep, right?

[Another pause]

Matt: Mutant freak!!!

[Matt runs screaming from the room. The network cuts to a jingle for antacids...]